My 'favorites'

This is the post that I’ve been dreading to write. My sweet Aunt Jane passed away Thursday, November 21^st at 8:00 am in her sleep after battling cancer. In less than four years I've lost 3 people off my 'favorite' list on my phone. That just sucks. My grandmother, Bubba. My Daddy. Now my Aunt Jane. It will be 3 years in January since she was first diagnosed with cancer. We found her cancer a week after burying my dad. 

Thankfully, my sister, my mom and I went to see her Friday through Sunday before she died and had such a good visit. Auntie had been asleep all day Friday but woke up an hour before we arrived. My Uncle Richard didn’t tell her we were coming and so when we walked in her eyes got so big and she smiled and said, “I had a dream about the three of you this morning.” We gave her hugs, kissed her cheeks, petted her hands, rubbed her head and told her numerous times we loved her. Saturday she was awake all day and we sat at her bedside. She finally fell asleep around 7:00 pm and we left to go eat dinner and go back to our hotel. While we were in a store Uncle Richard called and said she was asking for us to come back. So of course we did! We tucked her in and told her we would be back tomorrow. Sunday, she slept until we finally had to wake up her at 1:30 that afternoon so we could tell her bye. That was such a hard goodbye because I knew it was the last time I would see her. I had to walk out of the room several times because I didn’t want her to see me lose it. Aunt Jane has been so special to us and it hurts so bad to lose her. She’s loved us with a passion and my sister and I echoed the love.

Audra and I both wrote her good-bye letters and her friends said she asked them to read the letters multiple times to her during the last few weeks.  Here is mine:

Dear Auntie,

Let me start off with… I LOVE YOU! I know we’ve always joked about you being our favorite aunt but you are. Even if we had 10 other aunts to choose from…it would be you! You have spoiled Audra and I rotten since we were born.

There are so many things I could tell you but I wanted to start off with ‘thank you’. Thank you for the unconditional love you have shown Audra and I over the years. I’ve always known that you are on my side and I could count on you to be honest and truthful. That’s been that voice I needed to hear many times in my 32 years. It breaks my heart to lose you. 

We’ve had such wonderful memories and those are the things I am going to try to cling to in the upcoming months. Remember when you took us to Dalvay by the Sea so I could see my childhood dream.  I loved that trip with you, Daddy and Bubba as we saw the red clay cliffs and visited where Anne of Green Gables  ‘lived’.   The cruises we’ve taken to Bermuda, Alaska, Hawaii, and the Bahamas were so much fun. Heck, any trip with you was always fun. Thank you for introducing me to Europe on our trips to Ireland , Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam. I will be sure to tell the kids the story of Audra and I fighting in the exquisite chocolate store. I smile when thinking about you taking us to the Moulin Rouge… our mama would have had a fit!  Wasn’t it beautiful to see Monet’s garden? I loved Ireland and driving through the countryside, staying in the bed and breakfasts, and helping Uncle navigate while you and Audra sat in the back. I think about our many Christmas’ together and opening presents on Christmas morning with everyone gathered around.  I still have a mental picture of Lilly with the red bow around her neck when you brought Audra and I our first dogs. To this very day I love Golden Retrievers because of you. I wasn’t homesick a bit when I flew with you and Uncle to Georgia when I was seven because I knew you loved me.  You have spent so much time pouring love into Audra and I and that time is priceless to me. You’ve always tried to teach us a bit of history, culture and open our eyes to the beauty of this world.  You are such a strong, smart woman and I’m so proud to be your niece.

I see that you are smart and savvy like your Daddy, and strong like your Mama. You’ve battled this cancer for almost 3 years and even though you’ve had your down days you’ve been a warrior and people have remarked on strong you are. Just like Bubba who kept her cancer a secret for 5 years; you’ve trudged without complaining and fought back. Though you may not see it, I see that you are a caretaker and gentle and kind like your brother. You came to his side when he needed you the most and took care of him until the end. I thank you so much for taking such good care of my Daddy…he was comforted the most knowing that you were there. I’m glad it was your voice that called me and told me he passed and your arms that wrapped around me sobbing. You will be together again.

Though the last 3 years have been tough I’m so glad you fought. We’ve had great times at Pawley’s Island and I’m ever thankful for the time you spent taking Isaac on the Wind Jammer. Thank you for supporting me with Olivia’s hearing loss and coming with me on my conference to keep her. We had such fun on that trip and I love that picture of you two looking and each other cooing. I will never ever regret naming her Olivia Jane… because she is named after a remarkable woman. 

I’m thankful for the last 3 days I spent with you. Sitting by your bed, rubbing your hand and crying. I know you wanted me to sit in your lap but I got as close as I could without wanting to hurt you. I’ve sat on your lap now for 32 years and loved every minute. I’m crying now because I’m going to miss you so incredibly much and honestly can’t imagine our lives with you gone. Don’t worry about Uncle; we will make his Snickerdoodle cookies at Christmas. He is our family too! He’s sure going to miss you  and has taken such good care of you.  You are loved. You have so many outstanding friends that have come to your aide. Most people only dream about being loved as much as you are. 

Take peace in your salvation by the grace of God and rest. I don’t want you to be in pain and suffer. You’ve had a marvelous life and have touched many lives for good. Mine is one of those. I don’t want to say good-bye, my heart hurts, but I will see you again. These are the verses I will cling to. Go with God.

“For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.” Pslam 31:1

“And I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. “ John 14:3

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I love you Auntie Jane!

Your niece,

Summer

Aunt Jane last year at Pawley's Island

All the Janes! Olivia Jane, Audra Jane, and Hettie Jane

Aunt Jane and Olivia Jane at our hearing conference last November

Uncle Richard and Aunt Jane-- these pictures were taken in Spruce Pine about 2 weeks before my Dad died

Aunt Jane and Me (I was pregnant with Eli) at my baby shower

Aunt Jane, Audra and I in Ireland during 2005

Ireland

Aunt Jane and her friend Jeanene in Antarctica. 

Aunt Jane standing beside whale bones in Antarctica. She truly traveled the world and gave me a love for travel as well.