Midweek Confessions

I haven't done these in a while but here goes!

1. I managed to leave hungry from an all you can eat buffet. How does that happen.. oh wait..I have kids! Yes, both Eli and Olivia were dragged from the restaurant screaming. Fun times.  Eli is usually pretty good now that he's 3  1/2 but he was just awoken from a 10 minute car nap before we got out and things went down hill quickly. Olivia just got downright angry because the waitress took away her empty plate.

2. Eli peed in his bed so I put his sheets in the wash. They were in the dryer at bedtime and I was too tired to make his bed so he got to sleep with us last night. Well, his pull up leaked and my sheets have pee on them. Now it's bedtime and I don't feel like washing sheets and my mattress pad... I'm debating how bad it would be to sleep on them.

3. I really want to watch the Sound of Music Live tonight so I can sing the songs aloud to everyone in my house!

4. I put Olivia in the bathtub tonight and 5 minutes later realized she still had her hearing aids in! They are water resistant but not water PROOF! Yikes!

5. Isaac had his first wrestling match and as he was being pinned I was in my seat twisting and turning my body like it was going to help him get free! I'm sure he's not embarrassed by me at all.



Well that's all I can think of right now! Happy Friday everyone!

Dear Olivia Jane

Aunt Jane wrote us letters before she died. She wrote to me, my sister, Olivia, Carter, Camden, Eli and Isaac. I'm going to share Olivia's because it is just so perfect.

October 17, 2013

My Dearest Olivia,

Already you have shown us what a fighter you are, what a dear tenacious little girl you are and I hope those traits are recognized as strengths. Please do not lose those characteristics and skills as you grow into a beautiful young woman. I like to think of myself as a fighter and tenacious as well. You are such a pretty little girl and that will open many doors for you, just remember as you are opening those doors to bring kindness and character with you in all that you do. I don't want  you growing up shallow or egomaniac or having to be a people pleaser. I want you to be an Olivia Jane person who sets her own goals and chooses her own path, not just seeking to be popular or to please those around you. 

I have one piece of jewelry that I am leaving you in care of your Aunt Audra and I hope this makes your 18th birthday special.

Walk to your own beat, taking in the fact hat you don't want to be a stepping stone on other people's toes. Figure out how to get where you are going without hurting others or making them feel unimportant. Be sure that who you meet on the way up that you are kind to them. None of us need to stay on top of others but to hold their hands and travel the rest of the distance together. 

I love your mother dearly and she's a terrific role model for you and your brothers. Listen to her, she will always have your best interests at heart. Learn many skills at each stage in your life. Learn to knit, crochet, to roller skate, to swim, to ride a bite, to cook and to sew, to pitch a tent, to love sleeping outdoors, to take good care of your pets, to keep your room clean and well organized, to love books, to write stories, to play the guitar and to fix things. In all that you do, be a hard worker.. you'll never regret it. 

It meant a lot to me that your mom named you Olivia Jane and that we share the same name. I will always be with you.

Don't wait for others to solve your problems, but give yourself a helping hand and learn to solve your problems yourself and know when to ask for help. Learning the timing of when to ask for help is a big strength, having to always do it yourself or alone does not always lead to success. I want you to be successful in all that you do. Most importantly I want you to be content with where you are and who you are. When I see your face in the pictures your mom sends me, I am at peace with the world. I love you dearly, more than you will ever know and I'll be watching over you.

Love,
Aunt Jane

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for... Josh, Isaac, Eli, and Olivia, my beautiful mama, my sister, my little nephews, my Nanny, my step-dad, my step-sister Monica, all my sweet in-laws. I'm thankful for memories of my grandfathers, my Bubba, my Daddy, and my Aunt Jane. I am so thankful for many close friends that brighten my life. These are my 30's and I'm in the prime of my life. I've got sweet cuddly babies to kiss their cheeks off, and a darling teen who just a few minutes ago gave me a bear hug and kissed my cheek. Can it really get any better? So often I let everything else get in the way of what's really important. The mundane things of trying to get everyone dressed and out the door on time, a hot casserole, being on time (which I never am). I was so frazzled when we left the house on Thanksgiving that I was getting snappy with everyone in the car, and Josh said, "Is this really something important to get upset over?" I took a breather and said "No, it's not." Then we all started naming off things we were thankful for... my children, the fact that they have never ever been hungry in their life, a warm bed, a house to live in, toys to play with. We talked about how there are many people that are not so fortunate and that there are children who are hungry, thirsty, and have no family to love them.

I just finished reading 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker. It resonated with my soul. Josh was the unfortunate recipient of being read aloud to more times than he wished. In each chapter she takes an area (food, clothes, possessions, media, waste, spending, stress) of excess in her life and trims it down for a month. Seven areas in seven months and they are all reduced down to seven simple choices. She explains that it's like a fast to create room for God to move. I like her prayer, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your Kingdom."

I am so guilty. I bite right into consumerism America and it's right to excess. We waste food weekly. How many times I dump food right in the trash can.. sometimes food that we've never touched because it's sat in the refrigerator too long. Though I don't spend a lot on my clothes (hey yoga pants and old sweatshirts are pretty cheap), my closet is full of clothes from over 10 years ago that I never wear. Possessions.. I can't even go there. We've dumped an absorbent amount of money in a concrete hole in our back yard. Our house which we've lived in 1 1/2 years is bulging with stuff. Our 3 car garage has so much crap in it none of our cars can even park in there! Media is a huge hole for me. I spend way too much time on my phone, computer, and DVR'd shows. Every Friday, Josh's dad comes to pick up our trash and there have been times he's taken a WHOLE truck load of just our garbage.. talk about waste. Spending .. Olivia has more clothes in her closet that she can possibly wear. Does she really need two Thanksgiving outfits and 5 Christmas outfits! Am I being a good steward? Jen says, "Now I am completely careless. And clueless. Anyone who spends money in sixty-six places a month is the  most heinous kind of consumer." I am too embarrassed to even count the number of places we've spent money in one month.

               "So we spend, spend: amass, amass: indulge, indulge, item by item, growing increasingly deaf  to Jesus who described a simple life marked by generosity and underconsumption. I used to say, 'But we tithe, and that money goes to stuff Jesus was all into'. Except many churches use it for marble floors and shiny buildings and cool videos and expensive mailers and pretty landscaping and fancy sound equipment, and in one recent case, an awesome multi-million dollar jet." "I would marvel at how out of place, humble Jesus would be in today's American churches." -Jen Hatmaker

Now I'm not at the place where I can want to reduce all these areas in my life for a month but it does get me thinking. What little ways can I change? I don't want my children growing up expecting excess and living indulgently either. I see so much room for improvement in all these areas of my life and honestly it's a little overwhelming. First, I am going to take baby steps. 

It's almost Christmas. Stabbings in Walmart over stuff.. just stuff. Isn't that ridiculous. This year like in previous years we are adhering to our 3 rule. Each child gets three presents from us. Yep.. that's it. If three presents were good enough for Jesus they are good enough for anybody! We've also found a local family to help this year. As I sat at Josh's grandmother's funeral several weeks ago there was a family in the back of the church standing. There were 10 kids  (9 boys and 1 girl) ranging in age from 14 to a wee baby. They were dressed so shabbily but they were clean,  quiet, and respectful during the entire service. You would have never known they were there. Would Olivia and Eli stand through a hour long church service with nothing to entertain themselves. Heck No! I wasn't even crazy enough to bring them... they stayed with Nana. How come these kids did? Well I believe it's because they aren't being lavished in excess. They don't get every whim met and entertained constantly. So this year we are going to buy presents for these kids and our kids will help. 

My littles

My nephew Camden giving Olivia kisses

Camden and Olivia

Carter, Eli, Camden and Olivia

Nana and Camden

My only picture of Isaac.. He's a 13 year old boy and doesn't like his picture taken any more. 

Travel here, travel there

 Josh's dad loves to fish so what had originally started as a guy fishing trip with Josh, his brothers and dad turned into a family fishing trip with Josh's entire family. We found a large house at Nags Head so we I packed our bags and headed down on Friday. Saturday everyone fished and shopped. Sunday afternoon Josh and I drove to Norfolk, Virginia and caught a flight to Atlanta, rented a car and drove 1 1/2 hours to Warner Robins, GA for my Aunt's receiving of friends. We attended her funeral service Monday morning, drove back to Atlanta,  flew to Norfolk and drove back to Nags Head. Tuesday, after a LONG ten hour drive we finally got home... I've never been so glad to see my house and my bed!

Isaac and the ocean

Eli-the little turkey fell in the water of course

Cold but beautiful

The only footprints on the beach were ours

Paw-paw and Olivia. She's decide to call Josh's mom "Maw" and his dad "Paw."  I have no idea where she came up with that.

Josh and I in the airport flying to Georgia

My 'favorites'

This is the post that I’ve been dreading to write. My sweet Aunt Jane passed away Thursday, November 21^st at 8:00 am in her sleep after battling cancer. In less than four years I've lost 3 people off my 'favorite' list on my phone. That just sucks. My grandmother, Bubba. My Daddy. Now my Aunt Jane. It will be 3 years in January since she was first diagnosed with cancer. We found her cancer a week after burying my dad. 

Thankfully, my sister, my mom and I went to see her Friday through Sunday before she died and had such a good visit. Auntie had been asleep all day Friday but woke up an hour before we arrived. My Uncle Richard didn’t tell her we were coming and so when we walked in her eyes got so big and she smiled and said, “I had a dream about the three of you this morning.” We gave her hugs, kissed her cheeks, petted her hands, rubbed her head and told her numerous times we loved her. Saturday she was awake all day and we sat at her bedside. She finally fell asleep around 7:00 pm and we left to go eat dinner and go back to our hotel. While we were in a store Uncle Richard called and said she was asking for us to come back. So of course we did! We tucked her in and told her we would be back tomorrow. Sunday, she slept until we finally had to wake up her at 1:30 that afternoon so we could tell her bye. That was such a hard goodbye because I knew it was the last time I would see her. I had to walk out of the room several times because I didn’t want her to see me lose it. Aunt Jane has been so special to us and it hurts so bad to lose her. She’s loved us with a passion and my sister and I echoed the love.

Audra and I both wrote her good-bye letters and her friends said she asked them to read the letters multiple times to her during the last few weeks.  Here is mine:

Dear Auntie,

Let me start off with… I LOVE YOU! I know we’ve always joked about you being our favorite aunt but you are. Even if we had 10 other aunts to choose from…it would be you! You have spoiled Audra and I rotten since we were born.

There are so many things I could tell you but I wanted to start off with ‘thank you’. Thank you for the unconditional love you have shown Audra and I over the years. I’ve always known that you are on my side and I could count on you to be honest and truthful. That’s been that voice I needed to hear many times in my 32 years. It breaks my heart to lose you. 

We’ve had such wonderful memories and those are the things I am going to try to cling to in the upcoming months. Remember when you took us to Dalvay by the Sea so I could see my childhood dream.  I loved that trip with you, Daddy and Bubba as we saw the red clay cliffs and visited where Anne of Green Gables  ‘lived’.   The cruises we’ve taken to Bermuda, Alaska, Hawaii, and the Bahamas were so much fun. Heck, any trip with you was always fun. Thank you for introducing me to Europe on our trips to Ireland , Paris, Brussels and Amsterdam. I will be sure to tell the kids the story of Audra and I fighting in the exquisite chocolate store. I smile when thinking about you taking us to the Moulin Rouge… our mama would have had a fit!  Wasn’t it beautiful to see Monet’s garden? I loved Ireland and driving through the countryside, staying in the bed and breakfasts, and helping Uncle navigate while you and Audra sat in the back. I think about our many Christmas’ together and opening presents on Christmas morning with everyone gathered around.  I still have a mental picture of Lilly with the red bow around her neck when you brought Audra and I our first dogs. To this very day I love Golden Retrievers because of you. I wasn’t homesick a bit when I flew with you and Uncle to Georgia when I was seven because I knew you loved me.  You have spent so much time pouring love into Audra and I and that time is priceless to me. You’ve always tried to teach us a bit of history, culture and open our eyes to the beauty of this world.  You are such a strong, smart woman and I’m so proud to be your niece.

I see that you are smart and savvy like your Daddy, and strong like your Mama. You’ve battled this cancer for almost 3 years and even though you’ve had your down days you’ve been a warrior and people have remarked on strong you are. Just like Bubba who kept her cancer a secret for 5 years; you’ve trudged without complaining and fought back. Though you may not see it, I see that you are a caretaker and gentle and kind like your brother. You came to his side when he needed you the most and took care of him until the end. I thank you so much for taking such good care of my Daddy…he was comforted the most knowing that you were there. I’m glad it was your voice that called me and told me he passed and your arms that wrapped around me sobbing. You will be together again.

Though the last 3 years have been tough I’m so glad you fought. We’ve had great times at Pawley’s Island and I’m ever thankful for the time you spent taking Isaac on the Wind Jammer. Thank you for supporting me with Olivia’s hearing loss and coming with me on my conference to keep her. We had such fun on that trip and I love that picture of you two looking and each other cooing. I will never ever regret naming her Olivia Jane… because she is named after a remarkable woman. 

I’m thankful for the last 3 days I spent with you. Sitting by your bed, rubbing your hand and crying. I know you wanted me to sit in your lap but I got as close as I could without wanting to hurt you. I’ve sat on your lap now for 32 years and loved every minute. I’m crying now because I’m going to miss you so incredibly much and honestly can’t imagine our lives with you gone. Don’t worry about Uncle; we will make his Snickerdoodle cookies at Christmas. He is our family too! He’s sure going to miss you  and has taken such good care of you.  You are loved. You have so many outstanding friends that have come to your aide. Most people only dream about being loved as much as you are. 

Take peace in your salvation by the grace of God and rest. I don’t want you to be in pain and suffer. You’ve had a marvelous life and have touched many lives for good. Mine is one of those. I don’t want to say good-bye, my heart hurts, but I will see you again. These are the verses I will cling to. Go with God.

“For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.” Pslam 31:1

“And I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. “ John 14:3

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I love you Auntie Jane!

Your niece,

Summer

Aunt Jane last year at Pawley's Island

All the Janes! Olivia Jane, Audra Jane, and Hettie Jane

Aunt Jane and Olivia Jane at our hearing conference last November

Uncle Richard and Aunt Jane-- these pictures were taken in Spruce Pine about 2 weeks before my Dad died

Aunt Jane and Me (I was pregnant with Eli) at my baby shower

Aunt Jane, Audra and I in Ireland during 2005

Ireland

Aunt Jane and her friend Jeanene in Antarctica. 

Aunt Jane standing beside whale bones in Antarctica. She truly traveled the world and gave me a love for travel as well. 

Olivia's 18 months old

Miss Olivia Jane turned 18 months old this past week. She weighs 23 lbs and is 31 1/2  inches tall (50% percentile for both). I was holding her today cradled in my arms and I thought about how she's so small compared to her brothers at that age. Eli was almost 30 lbs at 18 months and several inches taller and Isaac was a big baby as well. She is still wearing size 3 diapers and is in 12-18 month size clothes. I'm letting her bangs grow out so right now they are below her eyes when it isn't pulled back. I love watching her little personality develop- she definitely lets you know what she wants.

What can Olivia do now?


Olivia is on the go everywhere, climbs up and off things with ease, and tries to jump (she doesn't get off the ground but she says "jump" and makes an effort to squat and come back up). She especially likes stairs and inclines and thinks it's great fun to go up and down one hundred times. She will go down our stairs holding the rail but I still like to stay close by her in case she falls. I haven't put a gate at the bottom of our stairs and most of the time she leaves them alone... exceptions are if someone she wants goes up. With Eli I had to barricade everything. I also don't have cabinet locks... She has 2 kitchen cabinets she knows are hers to play in and the rest are Mommys'. Occasionally she will try to get into one of mine but really minds well when I tell her no.

She is a great eater and isn't very picky at all. Her favorite foods are oatmeal, spaghetti, bread, fruit and peanut butter. She definitely has a sweet tooth and loves anything with sugar- which we limit! She does pretty well with a fork and spoon as well.

Olivia absolutely loves her pink silky blanket and has become unbearably attached to her pacifier. When she was a little baby she didn't even like the paci and would barely take it at bedtime. I don't know why she decided she wants it but she asks for that thing continuously. I'm going to have to suck it up and take it away before long.  She is a great sleeper which I am soooo thankful for. The older I get the more I need my sleep! That's one thing that keeps me from wanting #4... sleep! She goes to bed around 8:30 and sleeps until around 8 the next morning. At bedtime we read a few books, take her 'ears' out and then turn off the light. She will say "bed" when she wants me to lay her down in her crib to go to sleep.

She was all interested in the potty a while back and went for about a month pee peeing in the potty before her bath. Lately she's decided she's not very interested in it so I haven't pushed anything. She does love her bath and fights with Eli over who's turn it is to drink the cold water from the spigot.

Language? Oh yes.. she's a verbal little thing. We are well over 100 words now and she's starting to combine words together. This afternoon she was suppose to be napping and I heard "Mama, Mama". I went in her room and she said, "Poo Poo".  As I changed her she said, "stinky, dirty diaper" and then said "up" and "down" as she lifted her little legs up and down. She knows clothing items, body parts including: hair, eyes, eyebrow, teeth, nose, mouth, ears, head, belly, knee, hands, toes, feet. When you count she will say the next number up to 10. She loves books and asks to 'read' all the time. She follows directions very well and right now I'm working on getting her to find two critical elements. Sometimes she will only pick the last item she hears so we are working on increasing her auditory memory skills. She's also working on speech babble for auditory memory as well. I will give her a pair of nonsense sounds to repeat such as "meebow" and she has to repeat. She will usually get first part but not always the second. As far as speech she is using all developmental speech sounds. She will even put /s/ in words such as 'horsie" so I know she's hearing it! We went to Asheville to have new ear molds made and ordered pink with gold sparkles this time. She does great keeping them in except when she is tired. If she gets sleepy those things are first to go and if I don't catch her in time she pulls the mold from the tubing. I now have a set of thin tweezers I carry in my pocket book for putting the tubing back in. She begs to get in the car to watch her "moomie" (movie) I think because with her FM system she hears it so well.

I always imagined being a boy mom... but it's so fun having a daughter and amazing to see the differences between boys and girls. Olivia loves shoes, bracelets, necklaces, baby dolls, and having her nails painted. She asks to wear her 'bows' and wants to prance around in her boots. She can sit and watch me put on makeup (on the rarity when I do) as long as I let her. Her favorite show right now is Sophia the 1st. I was such a tom boy when I was a little girl I think it's funny that she is so girly.

Olivia, we are so blessed to have you in our lives and can't imagine it any other way. You have us all wrapped around your little finger and when you grin with those dimples we just melt. I love you my sweet girl!  Love, Mommy

                                         Here's a little clip of Olivia reading her favorite book

Pajama day

Saturday I seriously stayed in my pajamas from when I woke up until I went to bed! These were not just any ole pajamas either.. I was wearing my grandmother's old flannel nightgown that covers my neck all the way down to my toes. It's so big and roomy that I don't even have to wear a bra- very attractive I know. Josh just loves it when I wear this nightgown but hey.. it's so comfy! My mother and father-in-law stopped by but it didn't bother me. Josh's mom actually started laughing and said she's not laughed that hard in a long time. She needed the laugh with her mom just dying and it didn't bother me a bit. Unfortunately or fortunately one I didn't get to lay and watch TV all day; I cleaned instead. I know I did about 12 loads of laundry, got the house vacuumed, mopped, kitchen cleaned, bathrooms done, and dusted. So I had a pretty productive day..even if it was in my pajamas :)

Olivia 'helping' Mommy. She was filling up my mop bucket with water.

Is this not outrageous!

We were leaving Josh's parents house last night and came across a freshly born calf in the middle of the road. We stopped and tried to get him back to his mama cow who was standing on the other side of the electric fence mooing loudly. Josh held the fence up and I pushed the little calf under- he was still wet with afterbirth and had an umbilical cord hanging out. I used baby wipes to wipe my hands but Josh being the germ freak he is had to stop at McDonalds to go wash his hands.

Life's curve balls

Josh lost his job a month and a half ago. He carried all three kids and himself on his work insurance. Needless to say life has been a little interesting around here. This is the longest he has been unemployed since he was 15 years old! He even worked throughout college. He was with his old job for the last 6 years and it's been a hard transition for him not having to go to work everyday. The first few weeks it felt like a vacation.. having us both home, getting to spend time with the kids, go to Isaac's games, work on our outrageous pool project. However now.. it's time for him to find something! He is putting in resumes each week so we are hoping and praying he finds the job he is meant to have. In the meantime I have picked up some part time speech work and we have made cut-backs in our daily living.  I am thankful everyday we don't have a mortgage or debt to pay because I'm not sure what we would do. God does provide even in situations like this! We are never guaranteed of anything.. our jobs, our financial security, our health, or the health of our children. I am so thankful every day for those blessings we have. I think about Job in the Bible that had everything taken from him and still praised God. I'm hoping we can be faithful in the good and bad.

Josh's grandmother passed away this week and my Aunt Jane only has a few more days left on this earth. I will blog more about Aunt Jane later because I'm not ready to go there. It's so hard losing family you love.

Our pup Sampson fell this week while chasing a squirrel through the woods and has fractured his knee so he is on complete bed rest. At the end of two weeks he will go back for another x-ray and the vet will decide if he needs surgery!

So as you can tell, life's been a bit unsettled around here but we are still smiling. We've got a house to live in, 3 smart beautiful babies, warm beds, food in our bellies, our health, and family and friends. I need to be thankful in all things.

Sampson

Sampson and Isaac

Grandma Edith

Josh's grandmother died this week on November 3. Edith was 92 years old and had a wonderful life. She was alert and awake the day before she passed and was able to visit with all her family members. A hour before she passed she had her hands raised praising Jesus while listening to a worship song. She was a saintly woman and loved Jesus and her family...I know she's rejoicing with her Heavenly Father now. Though her family will miss her terribly there is no sting in death because she was certain of her salvation and had lived a full life. What a way to go.. surrounded by your family, in your own bed, at 92 years old. We could only be so blessed!

Grandma Edith

Josh and his grandmother at our wedding